blow-your-innards-out tasty thai nom nom

Taken, roughly, from a little cookery book on our kitchen shelf by someone who took it from Thailand. Ergo, no reference. Except Thailand.

mince (100-200g per person. I eat at least 200g)
garlic clove x4
birdseye chillies x6 (+/- 2-4)
fish sauce
white sugar
water or stock
handful of basil leaves
bit of fresh coriander
one egg per person
oil to cook
jasmine rice

nice bottle of wine

side serving of chillies in fish sauce:
birdseye chillies x10
garlic clove x1
bit of lemon/lime juice
bit of fresh coriander

1. Open the bottle of wine (white/rose/red, as you please), and pour yourself a large glass.

2. Prepare the chillies in fish sauce. Chop the chillies quite small. I de-seeded them, but if you really want to blow your socks off, leave the seeds. Crush up the clove of garlic. Chop the coriander leaves. Put it all in a bowl, add a squeeze of lemon or lime juice, and add plenty of fish sauce - enough so that all the ingredients are floating in it. About a third of a soup-bowl's worth.

3. Drink.

4. Put the rice on at this point. I use an absorption method, at a rice/water ratio of 1:1.5. Boil it for 7-8 mins with the lid on, then just leave it on the hob, heat off, until you're ready to eat it. Fluff it with a fork. If it feels a bit too squishy, remove the lid and it will dry nicely by the time you're ready to eat.

5. Drink.

6. Heat up a wok real good. Put in enough oil to fry an egg. Then fry your egg. I like to have the yoke runny still. Do each person's separately, and then keep them warm on a plate in the oven.

7. Drink.

8. Add a good glug of oil to the wok. Heat it up real nice, then reduce the temp a bit. Throw in the chillies and garlic, and be prepared for the blast of smell that makes your skin tingle, your eyes water, and makes you cough. (I should add, if you're cutting up 16 birdseye chillies, you should be wearing gloves. My fingers are still tingling 24 hours later. Probably too late by now. You'll know next time. Guys, be careful which hand you use when you go to the toilet.) Shoogle for a minute. Don't let the garlic go too dark.

9. Drink.

10. Throw in the mince. Stir fry it - don't let it lie. When just about cooked, add the stock or water (c. half a mug), sugar and a generous few shakes of fish sauce. Keep stir frying. Don't let it get dry, but don't let it stew in the liquid. You don't want it getting tough.

11. Drink.

12. Throw in the basil and coriander leaves. Fry for another 30 seconds.

13. Don't drink after that, you alcoholic.

14. Nice big bowl of rice, egg on one half, mince mixture on the other half. Douse it in chillies in fish sauce as required. Be prepared for Bangkok to fall right in your lap. It's all heat and spice and tangy and sweet aromatic all at once.