on arriving, and being in the moment

At the start of something new we hold our breath, often unconsciously. Anticipation. Excitement. Fear. Often all three. But we can't hold our breath for too long; we need to start inhaling what it is that we have chosen. We need to acknowledge where we have arrived from, and sometimes grieve that which have left. Unless we do this, we don't fully enter into the entirety of what awaits us.

We have been doing a lot of breath-holding, a few gasps, and some deep, long sighs over the past weeks. We have feared that which we might lose, and that which we might gain. We have anticipated highs and lows to guard ourselves against the unexpectedness of uncomfortable emotions. Instead of being sad or lonely or disappointed in the future, why not try and imagine it now, just to convince yourself of what it feels like, right? Our wondering and wandering minds in all their awful brilliance do their dastardly best to  alleviate us of uncertainty in the future by robbing us of the certainty that is the present.

In saying goodbye we give thanks for the journey that has led us to the point of leaving, and most importantly, for the people along the way. It sounds rather utilitarian to put it like that, but of course we know that it is the relationships and the people that make the journey worth its while and give us the strength to press on.

It's a twisted truth that we have learned that one cannot solely make decisions based on relationships and people, no matter how beautiful and wonderful they are. There is a little self-protective selfishness that says, follow where you are headed; there you will be of most use not just to yourself but to others too. It has taken time to accept this, but we have learned that in leaving and coming, we have been changed by those we have left, and we will meet others whom we can, hopefully, in some small way bless again.

It maybe sounds a rather esoteric way to justify a nomadic wandering or the pursuit of something that never actually existed in the first place; if so, we will always be so deluded despite the hours, months, and years of consternation and dreaming and hoping and analysing and prayerful thought that goes into significant decision-making.

It's our way of making sense of this rather beautiful and winding and alluring and exciting and challenging and, at times, difficult and obstacle-ridden path that life consists of.

In the mean time, we are touched by and take with us, and remain changed by friendships gained along the way, and which we will work to maintain over time and distance.

Until then, we are joyful in our own sense of arrival at a point and a place which we thought might exist but were scared may not.

May you journey on despite your fears. May you say goodbye well and fully, and arrive whole-heartedly, breathing deeply and freely.

If at one moment there is comfort, peace, success, or happiness then so be it. Enjoy it but remember that will change.

Equally, if there is an experience of pain, anxiety, failure or depression then so be it. Be patient in the presence of it and remember that it will change..... 

Life is constantly trying to teach us that experiences - pleasurable and painful - come and go whether we like

them or not. 

- Craig Hassed and Stephen McKenzie